Okay, we are on the down-hill run now. Thanks to all of you who filled out the survey last week and all the great feedback. It’s fantastic to know that we are all on this journey together and to see that it’s all making a difference.
This week we are looking at Self-reliance.
Last week I was encouraging that you access support, but self-reliance and calling on support need not be mutually exclusive. Here’s how.
Self reliance is made up of a number of things, like self-esteem, self-confidence and self-efficacy around a particular task -and essentially means that when it comes down to it, we can be alone, we can rely on ourselves and we have faith in our abilities. This doesn’t mean that you can't call on help or use support networks. In fact, those people who are comfortable with themselves feel more comfortable calling on others in times of need, essentially because they know that at the end of it, they can pay it back.
You will benefit from concentrating in this area if you rated the statements like this in the survey with Strongly Disagree, Disagree or Neutral.
I am able to depend on myself more than anyone else
I can be on my own if I have to
I am friends with myself
My belief in myself gets me through hard times
Let’s get straight to the point here: I actually don’t believe that we build our self-worth through repeating phrases such as “I am beautiful”. I believe you need to earn that worth. I've been watching the "I" culture for a while now, and I really don't think it's working. Now before you accuse me of having a go at Gen whatever, I'm talking about all of us and the feelings of narcissism and entitlement that we are all being encouraged to feel. I reckon it's only truly feel like we've contributed PROPERLY that we we can build and maintain our sense of self worth and can say in the dead of night "I like myself". I am very happy for you to argue with me here, I just thought I’d get that idea out at the outset.
Building true self-worth
Your self worth is your emotional value of yourself. It can take knocks through error, loss, rejection and loss of status in the eyes of others. It can also be hard to maintain robust self-esteem when another (particularly very close) person in your life brings you down.
Building self-worth goes in stages.
First, you need to accept who you are right now. If you don’t like who you are, just imagine that this is the ‘before’ shot and assure yourself that you’ll be working on it.
Next, rather than just focusing on what is problematic or wrong with yourself, start picturing how you want to be and take some positive steps towards that. Make this a challenge. Work towards it and feel the sense of accomplishment as you make each step. Each time you meet with difficulty, reiterate your belief in yourself and keep going. Remember that you have met challenges before and overcome them. Use a role model if necessary. Expect that there will be set-backs and continue to strive for your goal.
Now that you are on your way, and I know I’ve said this before get out of your own head and focus on someone else. Give a little. It could be a compliment. It could be time. It could be a sympathetic ear. Focus on them and ask yourself “How can I make this person’s day better?”.
Great! Once you’ve started to ask yourself these kinds of questions, you need to remove the negative filter. The negative filter is the brown tinted glasses, the one that focuses on the negative aspects of ourselves or discounts (questions) any positives that come our way. Start to accept compliments. Start to file the little positives about yourself away. Start to dwell on them at night instead of picking yourself to pieces. The more you do this, the more you will build your esteem and confidence.
Exercise: Building self-worth- Pitch a challenge and reach for it
Exercise: Building self through building others: Do things for other people. Go on!
PS: If you missed the feedback link from last week, you can still complete it here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/10_week_challenge_check_in
Meanwhile, take care and stay steadfast…
Ingrid and the team.